1. I expect him to travel with me on life’s adventures, always.
2. I expect him to be the spiritual leader for the family.
3. He must be financially wise.
4. He must love my family too.
5. He should take good care of his health and physical appearance too.
6. I expect him to be loving, even when I am 80…

The list went on and on. I don’t think I am being unrealistic, but practical.

We shared our list. I am amused that one of his requirements is for me to have better memory. Like remembering to trip the meter after I pump petrol (one little thing that irks him a lot!).

Years ago, before we got married, we created a similar list. Except, I am pretty sure this new one is shorter. I guess you learn to adapt to one another as time goes by. You learn to compromise on some expectations and other times, to reflect on how you can change yourself as a person.

Someone told me once, men always go into marriage expecting their wives to never change. Women go into marriage, expecting their husbands to change.

I guess a lot of arguments stem from mismatched and unfulfilled expectations from both parties. Most times, we think the problem is with the other person, never with us (gasp, how could you suggest that!). 

Six years down the road, and we’re still learning to adapt to one another. Yes, there’s friction, but I think I can safely say, I’m darn happy. 

Photo credit: Anna-Rina

–

Death is inevitable. Death at 24-years of age, is unimaginable.

Ryan Smith, an average American bloke, met Bethany Schmidt at the age of 17 in 2005 and like most young adults, fell passionately in love. They were inseparable and did everything they could think of together.

Six years later, tragedy struck. Ryan learnt he had a rare type of cancer. Time stood still. Plans for the future were abruptly interrupted for the lovers.

Knowing his days were limited, he concocted a plan to propose and still get married to the one person he loved most in life.

With a mere three days of planning, a beautiful wedding was staged for 32 guests.

“Till death do us part” takes on a new meaning, especially when it is imminent.

Have a read of this story as chronicled in Today Weddings, on msnbc.com. If you’d like to read what Bethany herself has to say, click here.

All these stunning photos are by Clare & Kevin Kubota.

In conjunction with International Women’s Day (IWD), I collaborated with Capri Communications Sdn Bhd to bring forward yet another cause and purpose – to show how important it is that mentoring relationships are formed in every part of our life. The Women: girls campaign was created in line with IWD’s theme Connecting Girls, Inspiring Futures. The campaign aims to begin a connection to inspire and encourage a new network of exchanges between young girls and women. I think it’s really pertinent to life. I can remember many women I looked up to when I was young, women who inspired me to believe in myself and reach higher heights in life. My sister is definitely one of them.

The following series of images were created specifically for the Women: girls campaign. It features 10 local celebrities and 10 girls from underprivileged backgrounds. The photos were exhibited in Fahrenheit 88, KL for the past week. The celebrities share their thoughts on inspiration and what it means to them.

Some of the awesome thoughts that resonated with me:

“It’s a strong feeling and drive that I get from someone else that makes me believe I could do anything.”  - Julie Woon -
“Inspiration is that wonderful moment that makes you go wow and say, if she can do it I can do it too!” – Kartini Kamalul Ariffin -  

What are your thoughts on inspiration and who inspires you?

Julie Woon, Actress & TV Presenter with Gokila, 16 years

Datin Paduka Umie Aida, Actress with Valawanda, 17 years

Cheryl Samad, TV Presenter, Emcee & Actress with Sarimah, 16 years

Susan Lankester, Actress, Director & Producer with Wong Siok Leng, 13 years

Dira Abu Zahar, TV Presenter & Actress with Min Lee Hua, 15 years

Dynas Mokthar, Actress & Entrepreneur with Maria, 15 years

Sharifah Sofea, Actress with Yogenthini, 16 years

Anne Ngasri, Actress with Thanaletchumy, 16 years

Kartini Kamalul Ariffin, HotFM Music Director with  Mas Idayu, 18 years

Low Ngai Yuen, Director with Hee Pheik Wen, 13 years

It’s definitely one of my favourite films about love and relationships. If you have never heard of this Christian film before, it’s a story about a firefighter, Caleb, who tries to save his marriage from burning to the ground. Everything seems to be going from bad to worse, which eventually leads him to consider divorce. At the lowest point of his life, Caleb’s dad gave him a Love Dare challenge – to perform a simple act of love for his spouse every day for 40 days. It could be something as simple as resolving not to say anything negative to your spouse the entire day.

“The sad part about it is, when most people promise for better or for worse, they really only mean for the better.” 

The film spoke to me in many ways. Just like the quote above, it made me think about life and relationships. How often we go into marriage thinking everything will be rosy every single day of our lives. I often think of love as a choice and commitment. It’s not just a feeling or emotion, because when tough times come (as they surely will), we may not feel like we want to carry through with that commitment. It’s at times like these that you remember your vow to your spouse – for better or for worse. Choice to me does not mean that I have the option to leave anytime I want. It means that I choose to love that person even when I don’t feel like it.

And when tough times come into my marriage, I can say that it’s fireproof.

I was really excited when Chih Wei and Diana took out their Love Dare book from their bag during our pre-wedding session. I think it’s really awesome that couples desire to make their marriage fireproof by going through books like these together.

I was happy to hear that Diana also attends the same church I used to attend when I was studying in Australia years ago. It’s great that we have common friends and similar values in life. Once I got to know Chih Wei and Diana, I knew that we could instantly connect. Diana lives in Brisbane whereas Chih Wei works in Malaysia. I definitely respect any couple who goes through a long distance relationship and survives it! So much patience, understanding and effort needs to be sown into that relationship daily.

Since they are getting married this weekend, I thought I’d share some images from their pre-wedding session here. Congratulations Chih Wei & Diana, and may your marriage be filled with lots of exciting moments!

“When a man is trying to win the heart of a woman, he studies her. He learns her likes, dislikes, habits and hobbies. But after he wins her heart and marries her, he often stops learning about her. It is a lifelong journey that draws his heart ever closer to hers.” - from Fireproof - 

So, here is where I’d like to do something for our blog readers. If you feel like these words have struck a chord in your heart and you’d like to watch this film, do write to me at grace.tan[at]stories.my or leave a comment here and I would love to give you an original copy of this DVD. It’s not a competition, but a sincere gift. We do have limited numbers of this DVD, so unfortunately it will have to be on a first come, first served basis.

Have a great weekend, everyone!

Just like magnets, opposites attract. I know of many couples who are completely different in terms of character (just like my mum and dad) and yet are together. Growing up, I never really understood this strange phenomenon. I suppose it’s natural to like someone who has strengths that can complement your weaknesses.

Alex and I don’t completely subscribe to this idea though. Yes, we’re different, and yet similar. We appreciate each other’s strengths and weaknesses (‘appreciate’ is subjective at times though) but there are many similarities that bind us together. After 5 years of marriage, boy do I appreciate these similarities! We love being around people, are rather sociable by nature, have similar taste in design (thank God, otherwise we might fight over house ID stuff), love the same God, and share the same values in life. Values like, no matter how tough marriage gets, we will never give up; or loving people trumps anything else in life. Bonus point: We love adventure.

Life to us is an exciting journey. I cannot imagine being married to someone who yawns whenever I talk about my photography business, or to someone who hates traveling. Married life to me means that I am able to journey along life’s path, sharing these experiences together. It’s these experiences that glue us together, stored in our shoe box of memories and help us love each other more.

I am contented.

Similar, yet different.

Photo credit: Jon Low

So, though it’s a little embarrassing to be sharing this with everyone, I thought I’d include a short excerpt from this card (taken from my journal).

8th June 2004

I can’t believe it… Alex and I are getting together. I don’t know if this is the right thing to do, we both have our doubts and worries and are afraid of taking risks… but… our hearts… tell us to go forward.

Dear Lord, is this the right decision? And is this the right timing? Are we even compatible? There are so many considerations to think about… I don’t know how it all fits into Your plan, but Jesus, I commit myself and Alex into your hands. I am afraid of getting hurt, but if we don’t take risks, we’ll never know. There are so many worries Lord, but I do commit us into Your hands and give it all to You.

Alex and I during our Lake Toba holiday in August 2004

It was the morning of our 5th anniversary and I awoke violently only to realise it was still early in the morning. The whispers of us saying “I do” from 12 August 2006 were brought back to mind, while I, still in bed, planned our anniversary celebration.

“Gas stove, frying pan, spatula, sleeping bag, tent, box of tissue” (and lots more), were added to my iPhone shopping list, while Grace continued to breathe heavily, enjoying her slumber. I had yet to tell her what we would be doing to celebrate our 5th year together but intended to keep it a secret till the last possible moment.

That evening, we left the office a couple of hours earlier, rushed home, and started to pack the car with the list of items I had meticulously detailed on my phone. It was then that I told Grace, “We’re going camping!” and like the perfect adventurous wife, she was enthused to go, instead of uttering a dreaded, “WHAT? But it’s hot… there will be mosquitoes”.

Reversing out of the driveway, we headed to the modern day market – Carrefour, to get our meats for dinner and some snacks, then proceeded to drive to Bagan Lalang beach at Sepang, a mere few minutes away from the new Golden Palm Tree Resort. Unfortunately, it was already rather dark by the time we arrived. We chugged down the beach with our belongings, under a slight drizzle and quickly pitched the tent with only a torch to guide and an umbrella for shelter.

Thankfully, my years of service at Outward Bound School came to good use, and before long, we were dry, safe and warm in the tent. We began with an entree of sushi, since it was still too wet to cook outside. An hour later, the rain subsided and our portable gas stove was started – we then cooked 2 slabs of lamb beneath the stars while listening to the calming sound of waves.

After dinner, we were quite exhausted from the events of the day and promptly knocked out by about 11pm.

I awoke at 5am to use the “natural loo”, and was in awe at the number of stars in the sky. I had no choice but to assemble the camera to take a few photos before rolling over and heading back to bed.

2 hours later, we both awoke and “washed up” in the camping sort of way. While I reignited the gas stove and cooked a simple corned beef breakfast, Grace was busy swinging away to her heart’s desire, reliving her childhood.

It was totally unconventional, but I enjoyed our simple 5th year anniversary. Here’s to the next 50 years, darling!

Yesterday was one of those days when the topic of finances came up during a discussion with friends. Whenever it comes to finances, I have to admit, I am really lousy at managing it. When I started work years ago, I didn’t really think about budgeting or planning for my future. All that mattered was that money came in, I didn’t spend more than I earned, and that was fine.

When I got married, everything became even more complex. Put into the equation a man who says that my shopping and shoe purchasing habits are rather extensive, and you have a recipe for arguments. He believes in spending more on fewer pairs, but buying quality. I prefer quantity.

So… I worked hard to earn all that money, right! Having more shoes means more options for a girl! :) I don’t really consider myself a spender, in fact, I am super excited whenever I get a good bargain – I’d rather shop at the Chatuchak market in Bangkok any day than at any branded goods store selling LVs or Guess dresses.

But you see, when I said “I do” five years ago, I also said “I will” to opening a joint bank account with Alex. And part of that “I will” also meant “I promise” to be accountable to you regarding financial matters, and he the same towards me.

I don’t regret it. I remember a story someone told me before… this couple had separate accounts and as usual, they split the bills for everything… he paid for the daily expenses and she paid for the house. They were happily married, but soon, their marriage turned rocky. It was then that things got complicated when she said that the house was hers because she paid for it.

Frankly, I think money can either unite or divide. People quarrel over money matters all the time. So when Alex suggests rethinking my shopping habits, I need to stop myself and think, “Is it really worthwhile quarelling over this? If I go ahead and spend anyway, ignoring what he says, will it be damaging to our relationship?”

Think about it, even if you had your separate bank accounts and one partner bought something the other does not approve of, would that not be cause for conflict too?

I can imagine some of you saying, “But it’s only a pair of shoes!”

Ok, so we had an agreement. If we intend to purchase anything beyond RM200 in value, we’d consult each other.

I am happy with that arrangement. As for my mother (who did give me that same advice at the top)… I didn’t really have an answer for her then. But now that I am older, I wish I had told her, “I don’t want to go into any relationship thinking that a rainy day will come. I want to go into this marriage thinking that both of us will make it work, come what may. It’s a permanent covenant, not a contract. It’s not to be broken, it’s for life.”

* Alvin & Melissa’s pre-wedding session

Five years ago, Alex and I said “I do”.

Time flies when you’re having fun. I am even more in love with this man today than when I married him 5 years ago. Perhaps I am a romantic at heart, I dream of growing old with Alex, walking beside him even when our hair is grey and our hands are wrinkled.

The joy of sharing life together is something I am grateful for every day of my life. I am so thankful that God brought Alex into my life, that I found in him a soulmate that would spur me on to greater heights, laugh with me everyday and go on little adventures together, even when the adventure is as simple as looking for laminate flooring.

A few months ago, Alex and I asked our friend Jon Low to shoot some portraits for us when we were in Australia. Jon’s an established photographer, and awesome friend. We started our careers in photography about the same time and since then, I am so happy to see that his business is doing so well!

These photos were taken in Brisbane, and it brought back lots of memories for me because I lived there for 3 years as a student. Thank you,Tania-Lea for the hair & make up! Hope things are going well for you there!

Alex, I am looking forward to our little date and adventure this evening… but more importantly, I am excited to think of what God has in store for the both of us. The past 5 years has been really awesome! I love you heaps, darling!

Thank you Jon, for helping us create memories. You’re a gem.

As my mom sat in her kitchen (possibly the last time), I felt a little sad to hear her asking for things like her oven to be brought up to KL. She said that the glasses in the cupboard are really good and I should keep it. Those glasses from the 60s with floral patterns and which were only used during Chinese New Year.

Reality is, we can’t move everything with us. That’s life. We accumulate material items in our lifetime, only to die and leave them all behind. What’s left are memories.

My sister discovered some stray albums that we missed in our previous trip back.

My sister’s and brother’s car collection. Should this go on eBay?

My little Lego looking set that I had since I was a baby (according to my sis).

My parents outside our home. My dad is still oblivious as to what is happening.

Next trip would be to pack some larger items into the lorry for us to transport up to KL. Then, it’s the final farewell.