We sat quietly for 10 minutes, penning our thoughts on a piece of 4R sized paper. It felt strange doing this exercise, yet at the same time, we knew that it would benefit the both of us.
1. I expect him to travel with me on life’s adventures, always.
2. I expect him to be the spiritual leader for the family.
3. He must be financially wise.
4. He must love my family too.
5. He should take good care of his health and physical appearance too.
6. I expect him to be loving, even when I am 80…
The list went on and on. I don’t think I am being unrealistic, but practical.
We shared our list. I am amused that one of his requirements is for me to have better memory. Like remembering to trip the meter after I pump petrol (one little thing that irks him a lot!).
Years ago, before we got married, we created a similar list. Except, I am pretty sure this new one is shorter. I guess you learn to adapt to one another as time goes by. You learn to compromise on some expectations and other times, to reflect on how you can change yourself as a person.
Someone told me once, men always go into marriage expecting their wives to never change. Women go into marriage, expecting their husbands to change.
I guess a lot of arguments stem from mismatched and unfulfilled expectations from both parties. Most times, we think the problem is with the other person, never with us (gasp, how could you suggest that!).
Six years down the road, and we’re still learning to adapt to one another. Yes, there’s friction, but I think I can safely say, I’m darn happy.
Photo credit: Anna-Rina
I don’t blog much for Stories, but today, I read this extremely touching story that moved me to share it with all of you. I hope it helps you be more reflective and appreciative of every day we are blessed with, and live life to its fullest.
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Death is inevitable. Death at 24-years of age, is unimaginable.
Ryan Smith, an average American bloke, met Bethany Schmidt at the age of 17 in 2005 and like most young adults, fell passionately in love. They were inseparable and did everything they could think of together.
Six years later, tragedy struck. Ryan learnt he had a rare type of cancer. Time stood still. Plans for the future were abruptly interrupted for the lovers.
Knowing his days were limited, he concocted a plan to propose and still get married to the one person he loved most in life.
With a mere three days of planning, a beautiful wedding was staged for 32 guests.
“Till death do us part” takes on a new meaning, especially when it is imminent.
Have a read of this story as chronicled in Today Weddings, on msnbc.com. If you’d like to read what Bethany herself has to say, click here.
All these stunning photos are by Clare & Kevin Kubota.
I’ve always believed in using your skills for a cause. Photography has always been a tool for me, something to express how I feel about a particular topic. When I travel, I use photography to show how awesome and diverse this world is. In weddings, my work becomes a record of someone’s life journey, and hopefully to remind them of that beautiful moment they said “I do”; years later when the eye bags and wrinkles appear. When I photograph families, I want them to cherish the most important people in their lives.
In conjunction with International Women’s Day (IWD), I collaborated with Capri Communications Sdn Bhd to bring forward yet another cause and purpose – to show how important it is that mentoring relationships are formed in every part of our life. The Women: girls campaign was created in line with IWD’s theme Connecting Girls, Inspiring Futures. The campaign aims to begin a connection to inspire and encourage a new network of exchanges between young girls and women. I think it’s really pertinent to life. I can remember many women I looked up to when I was young, women who inspired me to believe in myself and reach higher heights in life. My sister is definitely one of them.
The following series of images were created specifically for the Women: girls campaign. It features 10 local celebrities and 10 girls from underprivileged backgrounds. The photos were exhibited in Fahrenheit 88, KL for the past week. The celebrities share their thoughts on inspiration and what it means to them.
Some of the awesome thoughts that resonated with me:
“It’s a strong feeling and drive that I get from someone else that makes me believe I could do anything.” - Julie Woon -
“Inspiration is that wonderful moment that makes you go wow and say, if she can do it I can do it too!” – Kartini Kamalul Ariffin -
What are your thoughts on inspiration and who inspires you?
Julie Woon, Actress & TV Presenter with Gokila, 16 years
Datin Paduka Umie Aida, Actress with Valawanda, 17 years
“Fireproof doesn’t mean that a fire will never come, but that when it comes, you’ll be able to withstand it.” - from the film Fireproof -
It’s definitely one of my favourite films about love and relationships. If you have never heard of this Christian film before, it’s a story about a firefighter, Caleb, who tries to save his marriage from burning to the ground. Everything seems to be going from bad to worse, which eventually leads him to consider divorce. At the lowest point of his life, Caleb’s dad gave him a Love Dare challenge – to perform a simple act of love for his spouse every day for 40 days. It could be something as simple as resolving not to say anything negative to your spouse the entire day.
“The sad part about it is, when most people promise for better or for worse, they really only mean for the better.”
The film spoke to me in many ways. Just like the quote above, it made me think about life and relationships. How often we go into marriage thinking everything will be rosy every single day of our lives. I often think of love as a choice and commitment. It’s not just a feeling or emotion, because when tough times come (as they surely will), we may not feel like we want to carry through with that commitment. It’s at times like these that you remember your vow to your spouse – for better or for worse. Choice to me does not mean that I have the option to leave anytime I want. It means that I choose to love that person even when I don’t feel like it.
And when tough times come into my marriage, I can say that it’s fireproof.
I was really excited when Chih Wei and Diana took out their Love Dare book from their bag during our pre-wedding session. I think it’s really awesome that couples desire to make their marriage fireproof by going through books like these together.
I was happy to hear that Diana also attends the same church I used to attend when I was studying in Australia years ago. It’s great that we have common friends and similar values in life. Once I got to know Chih Wei and Diana, I knew that we could instantly connect. Diana lives in Brisbane whereas Chih Wei works in Malaysia. I definitely respect any couple who goes through a long distance relationship and survives it! So much patience, understanding and effort needs to be sown into that relationship daily.
Since they are getting married this weekend, I thought I’d share some images from their pre-wedding session here. Congratulations Chih Wei & Diana, and may your marriage be filled with lots of exciting moments!
He’s introverted, she’s extroverted.
He’s calm and collected, she’s a social butterfly.
He’s meticulous, she’s a little disorganized.
Just like magnets, opposites attract. I know of many couples who are completely different in terms of character (just like my mum and dad) and yet are together. Growing up, I never really understood this strange phenomenon. I suppose it’s natural to like someone who has strengths that can complement your weaknesses.
Alex and I don’t completely subscribe to this idea though. Yes, we’re different, and yet similar. We appreciate each other’s strengths and weaknesses (‘appreciate’ is subjective at times though) but there are many similarities that bind us together. After 5 years of marriage, boy do I appreciate these similarities! We love being around people, are rather sociable by nature, have similar taste in design (thank God, otherwise we might fight over house ID stuff), love the same God, and share the same values in life. Values like, no matter how tough marriage gets, we will never give up; or loving people trumps anything else in life. Bonus point: We love adventure.
Life to us is an exciting journey. I cannot imagine being married to someone who yawns whenever I talk about my photography business, or to someone who hates traveling. Married life to me means that I am able to journey along life’s path, sharing these experiences together. It’s these experiences that glue us together, stored in our shoe box of memories and help us love each other more.
I am contented.
Similar, yet different.
Photo credit: Jon Low