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Grace Tan
In Life, Musings

Resolutions and Goals

On 31st December 2010, I was at a private condo in KL with friends, ready to usher in the new year with gusto. I don’t usually fancy going to huge street parties on nights like these because I am not really the party-going type of gal. Plus, I am a weeee bit older… ahem, past my 20s. We thought we had a great view of KLCC from the poolside deck. And when the clock struck 12, we heard the fireworks… but didn’t see anything. It was then that it struck us… we’re on the wrong side of town! There were buildings blocking our view of the fireworks!

Close, but missing the mark.

I guess it reminds me of life, and how we often wait for a spectacular moment to happen… only to realize that we were close, but just missed the mark. What is it in my life that I am seeking? In the pursuit of success, am I missing the mark on things that should be important to me, like relationships? I vaguely remember this quote (or was it a comic strip) saying something along the lines of… “If you don’t have a mark to aim for, you’ll definitely hit your target”.

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Grace Tan
In Life, Musings

What does the heart seek?

I’m in one of those reflective moods again. Every now and then, I ponder about life, the meaning of it, and what is my purpose in this world. In the past, I’ve blogged about issues like these on my personal blog, but never on the Stories blog before. It’s always difficult to be open and vulnerable to others, but I do believe in being authentic.

I’m constantly busy. This year was a really hectic year for me, with the launch of Stories as a brand (wow, I can’t believe it’s been 8 months already!). In the midst of running a business, selling my house, traveling, buying a new house, renovating the new house… I hardly had time to breathe. But today, I had to take a moment to reflect. What am I working so hard for?

People say that it’s either one of these things that motivate you in life – money, fame, or a cause greater than yourself. If I am being completely honest with myself, I think I’d like to be well-known. I’d like to know that I am successful in my business. I want to shoot more, be excited about new projects, be a photographer in demand…

But all for… ? What?

What is the level of success?

What am I building?

It brings me great satisfaction to know that the work I produce brings so much joy to others. Part of my job satisfaction comes from knowing that I am building a legacy of images – records of people’s lives and a moment in history. Photography connects people. And I’m so amazed that I have been given this blessed opportunity to bring people together.

I guess I am reminded today that my purpose in life should never be solely about myself. In this quest for success, I must never lose my soul.

Children sharing a meal in Myanmar, taken during my travels in 2007.

Grace Tan
In Musings, Relationships

Musings: Communication & Expectations

One trend that I’ve noticed is how often photographers include their spouses in their business. For example, Jasmine Star has her husband JD 2nd shoot for her, Louis Pang has his wife Jasmine run the office, and Jenny Sun has her husband Ju 2nd shooting at times as well. Some of my photographer friends say they try to get their wives/husbands involved. Some prefer bags to camera gear. And I mean LV bags. So that won’t do.

Well, I do the same with Alex. When I first started shooting weddings, it was natural to ask him along. I felt a sense of security and bonding when we can do fun stuff together. Alright, I admit, not everyone’s idea of fun is standing on your feet for 10 hours, lugging heavy gear around, but thank God Alex does not complain.

The benefit of having yr spouse shooting with you is that you can share rooms when you’re outstation shooting a wedding. After a long day of shoot, you can come back and cuddle after a nice relaxing hot shower.

But what if one day, Alex decides not to shoot with me anymore? Gasp! What would I do? How would I feel?

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I wonder sometimes if I can be a pretty selfish person. I like having him with me, doing fun stuff together (especially the things I consider fun). There are always 2 types of couples: One that does everything together and you think that they are joined at the hip. And the other that does NOTHING together other than meals or movies.

So what do I really expect from my spouse? What would my expectations be and would I be disappointed if his ideals change one day? What if Alex said one day, “I’d rather spend the entire day on Twitter and surfing the net than shooting with you”. Would I say, “It’s ok dear” but silently harbour a grudge because he PREFERS not to do the things I do?

Expectations can be an evil thing that rears its head every once in a while.

“But you’re the wife, I expected you to clean the house every week!”

“Why can’t you be a man and make decisions for once! I have to do everything!”

“I thought you’d stop playing computer games after we’re married and give me more attention for once. I keep seeing the back of your head everyday”

Yup, expectations can be the cause of many arguments especially if it is not communicated properly from the start.

Speaking of which, now that Alex is sick today, I better be the dutiful wife and nurse him back to health.

Grace Tan
In Musings, Relationships

Musings: A Lifelong Covenant

It’s one of our goals this year to make the Wedding Story blog more interesting to readers. Of course there’ll always be postings of videos and photos of our work but we want to do more than that. One of the ideas we have is to share more from our lives, so that you get to know the people behind Wedding Story. We love to get personal with our clients, so we do hope that our posts will help you get to know us better!

It’s been about a year now since I ventured into weddings professionally. And about close to 3 years since I became a wife. I thought that over time, I’d like to share little musings and tips that I’ve learnt over the years, not just as a wedding professional, but also as a previous bride who planned her own wedding with the help of friends & family, and also as a wife, and perhaps in the future, as a mother (doesn’t mean I’m pregnant now ok!).

Most the things I’ll be sharing, I’ve learnt through experience or from another friend’s experience.

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Lately, I’ve seen a number of friends getting married and some getting engaged. It must be every little girl’s dream as they grow up to be a bride one day, to wear that lovely white dress and walk down that aisle. A friend asked me today, “How’s married life, coming to 3 years now?”. I haven’t seen him in a while, and though I wanted to exclaim, “I love it!” I thought to myself, “Would he really take me seriously?”

You see, to him, after being married for 24 years now, with 2 kids approaching adulthood, marriage is something that has declined to a state of existence. I’ve seen many people who started out with tears in their eyes, filled with romance, only to walk separate ways with a different set of tears 2 years down the road. A photographer friend shared with me once too that before she could deliver the wedding photos, this client of hers has anulled the marriage (after 6 weeks).

Marriage is something that can bring so much joy and yet to some, it also means heartache and loneliness. When I said my vows to Alex 3 years ago, I knew that this would be for life. I know that realistically, life is not a bed full of roses. But saying those vows meant that I made a commitment for life. When I got married, our pastor said that we are making a covenant, not a contract. A contract can be broken by any party whenever they find something disatisfactory, but a covenant is an oath. It’s something that I have promised to keep for life, between myself, Alex and God.

It gives me security to know that Alex has the same views towards marriage as well. That no matter how difficult times get, we would work things out and live life with no regrets. Saying I’m sorry could be one of the hardest things to do, but it could be the key to saving our marriage in the future.

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