relationship

Suzyana Ong In Life, Musings, Relationships

Keeping The Love Alive: 3 Perspectives

Keeping the sparks fly in a relationship/marriage takes intentional effort and sincerity. Hear from three incredible ladies on our team as they share their experiences.

How do you overcome obstacles together?

Grace: When conflict arises, there is one principle that grounds us again and again: We are on the same team. It’s never about me vs. you, but about how we’re able to get through this together. I have learned to be quick to stop judging and always willing to listen. If I listen carefully to his perspective, I am able to understand his thoughts better. This is how we navigate obstacles and challenges within marriage.

Shan: No marriage is perfect and how you navigate through the lowest points of your journey together will truly test your relationship. Patience and understanding are essential. We need to understand that each person will have their own perspective on things, and how you communicate and listen to one another will help you overcome obstacles.

Bin Bin: Disagreements are part of a healthy relationship as long as done in a respectful manner. Always take the time to see things from their perspective, communicate your feelings and needs (don’t expect your partner to read your mind), agree to disagree, take a time out if necessary and don’t go to bed angry!

How do you make things exciting in marriage?

Grace: We love spending time doing fun activities together. Not every activity needs to be adventurous (though we’ve done skydiving before!), but it should be something different that you are willing to explore together. It could be café hopping, watching a movie from a different location (a bathtub, perhaps?), or taking a walk around a park in a previously unexplored part of town.

Shan: Be spontaneous! Not everything has to be planned. Be willing to try new experiences as a couple.

Bin Bin: Be intentional and take action. Don’t wait for things to happen to you, make the things you want happen for yourselves.

What is your most memorable date night?

Grace: A surprise overnight camping trip to Bagan Lalang Beach!

Shan: I wanted to surprise my husband for his birthday. So I told him we were going for a business pitch with some clients (even prepared a proposal for him to take a look at). When we got to the hotel lobby the concierge gave him a note to say there was no meeting but a surprise dinner date instead. After the meal, we went down to the car park and in the trunk of the car, he found a packed bag for a surprise staycation.

Bin Bin: 4 months into our relationship, I had a work trip to Europe. I asked Lih Xiang if he wanted me to extend the trip and travel somewhere together. We ended up booking tickets to Spain. It was really spontaneous and looking back, kind of crazy as it was a new relationship! But I suppose sometimes the craziest things work out for the best. It was definitely a crash course in getting to know your partner.

If you could give one piece of advice to couples out there, what would it be?

Grace: Relationships take time to build. It is the accumulation of many little decisions that we make daily. In the same vein, broken relationships didn’t happen overnight. They are an accumulation of many years of wrong choices, cracks that were ignored, and voices that weren’t heard. Choose wisely what you accumulate and what you need to discard.

Shan: Pick your battles! Remember to cherish and affirm one another while making time to grow your relationship.

Bin Bin: Don’t sweat the small stuff. Learn to let the unimportant things go. Don’t take your partner for granted and make time for each other (especially after you have had kids!).

About us

Grace has been on this journey called marriage for 17 years, together with her husband, Alex, and two children. Other than photographing families, she loves helping couples improve their relationships and reach their family goals through coaching.

Shan has been in a relationship for the past 22 years, of which being married 12 years. She has two kids and looks forward to spontaneous moments and weekly date nights with her husband, Segar.

Bin Bin met her husband, Lih Xiang while diving in the Philippines. They have been married for 6 years, recently welcomed their first child and look forward to more adventures around the world (diaper bag now in hand).

Grace Tan In Comma Videos, Life, Musings, Relationships

Rekindling Romance in Marriage

As a wedding and portrait photographer, I have seen the extreme highs that couples go through as they set their sights on the one they love, and say their vows to always be there through good and hard times. Personally, as I also speak to couples in my daily life, I realize that it is easy to let the flames die out all too soon. Often times, arguments happen over seemingly small, trivial issues. But it points to deeper, unresolved issues, usually parent and family issues from the past.

This is my 13th year of marriage. I have to admit, while my love for Alex has grown deeper through the years, I have also gotten pretty complacent in our marriage. I don’t make much effort to surprise him (ever), think of doing things that truly please his heart or even attempt to wear beautiful lingerie to sleep (I had to put aside my pineapple pyjama pants because of this).

We’ve gotten way too comfortable towards each other.

That is why I appreciate the little things about him. How he does make the effort to do things like taking care of the kids while I go succulent shopping, plan mini stay-cations in the city or just prepare maggi mee by candle light in our bedroom after a long day of shoot.

I love him for all these little things and more. God is reminding me that while it is nice to be the recipient of all these little acts of love, I need to invest in his emotional tank too. I must go beyond my own comfort zone, laziness and make an effort to bring romance into the marriage over and over again.

I hope you do too. Happy Valentine’s Day.

(oh, and if you need some date night ideas with your spouse, head on over to Comma – Rethink Life and check out this post.)

Grace Tan In Comma Videos, Life, Musings, Relationships

Comma Pre-Marital Series 04: Communication & Conflict

As a wedding photographer, I have seen many couples going into marriage with rose tinted glasses, so in love with each other and oblivious to each other’s faults. But just one year into marriage, it is easy to find the ‘honeymoon’ phase has passed and now, the glasses are removed, and both eyes are wide open. I believe it is important to go into marriage with a realistic point of view while maintaining some form of idealism.

Conflict will surely happen in any marriage. Unmet expectations can creep up easily, and soon, you’ll find yourselves dealing with more than you can handle. Don’t worry, this is really normal in any relationship. The important thing is to develop the tools to help you deal with conflict when it happens. In our interview below, John and Radiance are an everyday married couple, sharing how they handle conflict in their marriage.

And if you missed Episode 3 of Comma on how to NOT sabotage a relationship, click here to watch it!

Script & Content Development: Grace
Filmed & Edited by: Chi Yin

Jamie Ang In Life, Musings, Relationships

Challenges of a cross-cultural relationship

JJ-02 Over a year ago, I met Joseph while rock climbing. As much as I would like to say that I fell, he caught me and we fell instantly in love.. that was not the case. Like many Malaysian (or Asian) relationships, it started off at a mamak with some friends.

Fast forward 9 months into the relationship, it is safe to say that being in a cross cultural relationship is enriching and fun, yet it comes with its own set of challenges. I forgot to mention that Joseph is Filipino and I am, of course, as Malaysian as a girl can be. When I was younger, I always had this idea about dating a foreigner. I have always enjoyed getting to know people from different cultures and I thought how much fun it would be if that was a lifetime thing.

Obviously, I was naive. Every relationship has its challenges, and adding cultural differences into the equation is like asking for more work to do! Learning and adjusting to each other’s worldview, lifestyles and beliefs wasn’t as easy as I thought. Food habits was one of the first hurdle I had to learn to accommodate. Not only do Filipinos refer to ‘dinner’ as ‘supper’, their taste in food are at the extreme ends. Something that is bordering diabetic to me is not sweet enough for him; something that is bland to him is too salty for me. Although English is our first language, Joseph had to adjust to my Manglish slangs. Teaching him the difference between lah, meh, mah etc was quite a challenge. There were even times when he had to ask, “Like this cannot.. lah..? ..meh?? ..leh???”.

Despite our differences, I’m ever thankful that we share the most important thing, which is our love for Christ. It is not only about sharing the same faith, it is sharing the same values and principles that are fundamental to both our lives.

I am no expert in relationships, but what I have learnt so far is that: communication is key; and having the support of your family and closest friends is more important than you think. At the end of the day, it is all about choosing to love a person, and making that choice is a daily decision in which you have to let your selfish desires go. And when I’m at the altar, I can finally say, “I choose you!” (pun intended – but probably only Pokemon players can understand).

Grace Tan In Life, Musings, Relationships

Our 8th Year Together

This morning as I sat on the golden throne which is my toilet, unhappily clutching my stomach from a bug that has decided to hit me at the most inopportune time, I thought to myself, “What a great way to start our 8th year anniversary.” We later joked about it especially when Alex willingly picked up the disinfectant and helped clean the toilet after I was done. What a romantic start to our day.

But what struck me this morning was that this really is an act of love, more so than just the gifts you get on special occasions, or the fancy-schmancy dinners that are planned ahead of time. It is these very things that get taken for granted on a daily basis. The little things we do for each other that demonstrate love in bite sized pieces. Though I love the large acts of love (like planning for holidays together, date nights etc), it is these little things that keep my emotional tank full on a daily basis.

I believe it is these very things that make me feel so loved and cherished these past 8 years. I just hope and pray that I am as good a wife as Alex is a great husband. Growing up as the youngest child in the family, I am used to being pampered, so my selfish nature is something I have to battle with constantly. Over the years, through our heartaches and arguments, I have learnt what it means to live less for myself and more for others. Marriage is one relationship instituted by God that truly brings out the best and worst in you.

So my dear, I am sorry for the times that I might have taken you for granted all these years. With God’s help, I hope our marriage will continue to strengthen through and through. Love you heaps.

Oh, and here’s a reminder of our wedding vows said 8 years ago!

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