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Musings: Communication & Expectations

By 06/07/2009December 29th, 20093 Comments

One trend that I’ve noticed is how often photographers include their spouses in their business. For example, Jasmine Star has her husband JD 2nd shoot for her, Louis Pang has his wife Jasmine run the office, and Jenny Sun has her husband Ju 2nd shooting at times as well. Some of my photographer friends say they try to get their wives/husbands involved. Some prefer bags to camera gear. And I mean LV bags. So that won’t do.

Well, I do the same with Alex. When I first started shooting weddings, it was natural to ask him along. I felt a sense of security and bonding when we can do fun stuff together. Alright, I admit, not everyone’s idea of fun is standing on your feet for 10 hours, lugging heavy gear around, but thank God Alex does not complain.

The benefit of having yr spouse shooting with you is that you can share rooms when you’re outstation shooting a wedding. After a long day of shoot, you can come back and cuddle after a nice relaxing hot shower.

But what if one day, Alex decides not to shoot with me anymore? Gasp! What would I do? How would I feel?


I wonder sometimes if I can be a pretty selfish person. I like having him with me, doing fun stuff together (especially the things I consider fun). There are always 2 types of couples: One that does everything together and you think that they are joined at the hip. And the other that does NOTHING together other than meals or movies.

So what do I really expect from my spouse? What would my expectations be and would I be disappointed if his ideals change one day? What if Alex said one day, “I’d rather spend the entire day on Twitter and surfing the net than shooting with you”. Would I say, “It’s ok dear” but silently harbour a grudge because he PREFERS not to do the things I do?

Expectations can be an evil thing that rears its head every once in a while.

“But you’re the wife, I expected you to clean the house every week!”

“Why can’t you be a man and make decisions for once! I have to do everything!”

“I thought you’d stop playing computer games after we’re married and give me more attention for once. I keep seeing the back of your head everyday”

Yup, expectations can be the cause of many arguments especially if it is not communicated properly from the start.

Speaking of which, now that Alex is sick today, I better be the dutiful wife and nurse him back to health.

Join the discussion 3 Comments

  • Amy says:

    Alex is sick? Oh dear! Is it because Edmund overstayed his visit!

  • Shen says:

    i like the idea of getting spouse to involve in photography. when God created man and woman, that’s His intention to make us one body in whatever things we do. at least your the other half understands you’re seriously doing something great. i appreciate my wife who appreciates me in this way. although she never follow me the whole day for wedding, but bringing her along for pre wedding shoots are just great bonding with each other.

  • Louis says:

    It is a challenge for spouses to work together. Pitfalls and benefits await us–depending on how we navigate. Jaz and I are very different people. It took a long time for us to appreciate each others’ strengths and differences. The same differences that attracted us to each other became irritation and sparks for full blown warfare.

    At the end, cool heads and humility help us to grow in maturity and understanding. I cannot imagine running the biz without Jasmine.

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