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Grace Tan
In Life, Musings, Relationships

The Miracle of Marriage

I read this article from a friend’s blog, and unfortunately, I do not know who to credit, but it’s such a great article that I felt I needed to share it here. It’s worth your 5 minutes reading this article on marriage. Deep down in my heart, I feel truly satisfied and happy that I married Alex. In almost random moments throughout the day, I tell Alex that I love him. I break into a silly grin when I hear him say the same thing… almost like young kids in love.

6 years of marriage and counting… Love you, dear!

PARTNERS AND MARRIAGE by Eduardo Jose E. Calasanz

I have never met a man who didn’t want to be loved. But I have seldom met a man who didn’t fear marriage. Something about the closure seems constricting, not enabling. Marriage seems easier to understand for what it cuts out of our lives than for what it makes possible within our lives. When I was younger this fear immobilized me. I did not want to make a mistake. I saw my friends get married for reasons of social acceptability, or sexual fever, or just because they thought it was the logical thing to do. Then I watched, as they and their partners became embittered and petty in their dealings with each other.

I looked at older couples and saw, at best, mutual toleration of each other. I imagined a lifetime of loveless nights and bickering days and could not imagine subjecting myself or someone else to such a fate. And yet, on rare occasions, I would see old couples that somehow seemed to glow in each other’s presence. They seemed really in love, not just dependent upon each other and tolerant of each other’s foibles. It was an astounding sight, and it seemed impossible. How, I asked myself, can they have survived so many years of sameness, so much irritation at the other’s habits? What keeps love alive in them, when most of us seem unable to even stay together, much less love each other?

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Grace Tan
In For Photographers, Life, Musings, Promotions, Relationships

Portraits for Pixels: Stop Violence Against Women

The team at Stories is making a stand to stop violence against women! Together with a few other photographers under the branding of Bloom, we have decided to participate in a campaign that fights for this cause.

“Portraits for Pixels” is a collaborative fundraising campaign with photographers worldwide to raise funds for The Pixel Project, a non-profit organization whose mission is to raise awareness, funds and volunteer power for the cause to end violence against women (VAW) worldwide.

The “Portrait for Pixels” campaign involves participating professional photographers to hold special “Portrait for Pixels” charity portrait sessions in their community where they will take family/individual portraits/headshots for a one-off special price.

In support of the Pixel Project, Bloom will be running the “Portrait for Pixels” campaign for the month of September, 2012. For every “Portraits for Pixels”shoot, RM100 will be donated to the Pixel Project and photos of the campaign will be published online to raise awareness about VAW.

We hope that you will stand alongside us and help us make a difference to those in need. Do email us if you’d like to book a portrait session with us. Thank you in advance for your love!

 

Grace Tan
In Life, Musings, Relationships

Happy birthday papa!

My dad turns 79 today. It almost felt like yesterday that I sat on his lap as a child. I remember those moments when I refused to go to bed at night even when I was exhausted – I would pretend to be awake in front of the TV, but then he knew better. There were times when he picked me up and carried me up the stairs to my bedroom, and I was probably about 20+kg at that time! Not a bad feat for a 5 foot man whose frame is pretty small too.

I also remember moments when I was studying for my exams and would stress out completely about it, but his words to me were… “Just do your best.” He was proud when I did well, but when I didn’t do so well, he would just say, “Just do better next time.”

My dad loved playing golf. Once, he got a hole-in-one and proudly hung his certificate on the wall of our home to show it off to everyone. There was one time too, when he swung his golf club a little over-enthusiastically inside our living room and accidentally knocked the chandelier, breaking it into a million pieces! (don’t ask me why he was doing that INSIDE the living room).

Unfortunately for my mum, my dad was a typical old-school ‘man’ who never really lifted a finger in the kitchen. My mum was a great cook but the kitchen was her domain, so she never got much help there. My mum’s a workaholic (just like how I am now!) so I do remember instances when he would lecture her into taking things easy and not stress out in the kitchen. Especially after she began having heart palpitations, but would still wake up at 5am to make hundreds of Chinese New Year cookies to fulfill the orders made by friends and neighbours.

Since I am the 3rd and final child in the family (with a huge age gap between my 2 older siblings!), I got away with a lot of things and was pampered as I was growing up. I used it to my advantage a lot (and also, though embarrassing to admit, I had temper tantrums too when I didn’t get my way). I don’t remember the rotan (cane) very much, like how my other siblings described their childhood, but now that I think back about it, I must have been a handful.

Due to my dad’s Alzheimer’s, I don’t really talk very much about these things to him anymore. He doesn’t realize it’s his birthday today, but just because he doesn’t remember, doesn’t mean that he cannot feel. So we’ll pop a small candle on Alex’s home made brownie later and sing a birthday song to him.

* Photos by Anna-Rina

 

Grace Tan
In Life, Musings, Relationships

Waiting to say “I Do!”

A few weeks ago, I heard this question posed over the radio… “Is it ok to marry someone who loves you less than you do?” Reminds me of some stories I heard through friends, of couples who have been together for years, the sparks are almost gone, but one party feels obligated to get married because of the years of relationship. Or one person who threatens to commit suicide if the other party doesn’t commit to a lifetime together.

Not everyone’s relationship is as dramatic as that, but that question got me thinking… how do you define the quantity of love? It seems like a slightly airy-fairy topic to me, because my partner may think that he loves me with all his heart, but I may not think his love is as intense as he describes it. It also depends on each person’s love language. If you have never heard of this concept before, do read the book or do this free quiz to find out what your love language is!

Looking back at my pre-married life of relationships with other guys, I do admit, there were times I was heartbroken when I sensed my love was a one way street… and then there were other times that I broke the other person’s heart because I didn’t ‘love’ him enough, even after years of being together.

Deep down, somehow, I just knew that I hadn’t found the right person.

One that I could truly say I loved with all my heart, and knew without a shadow of a doubt that he felt the same way towards me. (despite our differences in love languages!)

The issue of security remains something every woman struggles with. Breaking up with someone when you’re 23 or 32 makes a huge difference. So I can totally understand why some women opt to marry someone whom they know is 2nd best for them, just because they don’t want to be alone in life.

So, to wait, or not… ?

It’s a risk everyone takes, but personally, I think, if you’ve said the vows, commit to your decision, make it work, and don’t ever live in regret.

Grace Tan
In Life, Musings, Relationships, Running a Business

Onward, preggie mummy!

* Credit goes to my hubby, Alex Lam for taking this photo of me. Of course, with a little guidance from the ‘bossy lady photographer’!

It’s now the 18th week of my pregnancy, and I must say, it’s been a good 4 months so far. Initially, I was really worried about how my body would fare, balancing pregnancy and photography. I am happy to report that I pretty much breezed through my 1st trimester…

  • I only had minimal bouts of nausea. The top 2 things that would trigger my nausea were the floor detergent used in my studio and the restaurant cooking steamboat downstairs from the studio.
  • I only vomited four times in my first trimester. And the toilet was not too far away too! Yay!
  • I didn’t have any cravings. Unfortunately, this meant that I deprived Alex of the privilege of buying roti canai for me at 3am in the morning. Oh wait, I did have a craving once. I insisted on having a Peranakan Itik Tim soup for lunch one day.
  • My taste buds did change though. Everything I ate tasted too salty or sweet. Until… I passed that phase and wondered why every dish my father-in-law cooked tasted bland.
  • I didn’t feel overly fatigued, though I did sleep slightly more than usual.
  • Finally, I had to buy new bras & clothes, but hey, who’s complaining when it comes to shopping!

Thankfully, I managed to get through all my shoots for the 1st trimester without fainting in exhaustion. It was great to hear feedback from my clients too, when they said things like…

“Grace, even though you are pregnant..  and assigned us a third photographer, we felt that it is very professional of you to help us capturing all the great moments of the day and all the hard work that you put in making that day unforgettable for us.   We were sort of a little worry for you as you trying so hard capturing some of the great moments for us in the church.  Make sure you take it slow in your upcoming photo shooting..

We would like to thank you from the bottom of our hearts for providing us with such beautiful memorabilia of our most precious day of our lives,  erm.. even though we didn’t have a chance to glance through our photos yet… and every one is asking for it already!!!!”

– Amy & Enoch – 

“Dear grace and team, thank you for those wonderful n absolutely gorgeous pics (ourselves included)! :) When we first met u, we were indeed taken back by ur TnCs (have to say v onerous :) ) but we saw what u can do and glad to say that we couldn’t be happier. So thank u for you and ur team’s profesionalism (ur pregnancy didn’t hamper ur ability, the mozzy didn’t affect ur team s spirit (mostly ours…hehe)..thanks!”

– Wilson & Elaine – 

So now that it’s the 2nd trimester, people tell me that it’s the ‘honeymoon’ stage of pregnancy. I would feel healthier, stronger and better. The months pass by so quickly. I am indeed cherishing every moment of my pregnancy!

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