fbpx
Tag

marriage

Lessons I Learnt in 14 Years of Marriage

It was 14 years ago, exactly on this date that I said my vows at my dream wedding. I had 200 guests seated at the garden of the Palace of the Golden Horses, all dressed in shades of purple or white. It was the perfect day. There was a cool breeze that day, and everything went smoothly, despite a little accident that broke a portion of the trishaw I was transporting from Malacca for the ceremony that day.

14 years flew by, it wasn’t short, but it didn’t feel so long either. I do not remember the personalised vows I said that day but thank God for videos…all the memories were recorded beautifully. I was an idealistic 27 year old bride. I believed in true love and I found it. But I didn’t know how much work it takes to stay in love.

I’ve learnt many lessons over these 14 years. It took me some time to learn them, so if I could speak to my 27 year old self, I’d say…

The romance may disappear but true love is deeper than just feelings

The commitment we made to one another that day was the seal that brought us together. The heart palpitations faded after a while, but it didn’t mean I was less in love with the man I married so many years ago. The love I feel now is much deeper because of my understanding of who he is, and how much he tries to make things work for the family.

Change yourself first

We had a difficult first year of marriage trying to understand each other. In between tears and feelings of insecurity, I had to come to terms with my own weaknesses. If you accept responsibility for your own actions, your marriage will thank you for it.

If you want the fun and adventure to carry on, you need to make time for it

Life goes on after a while. The bills need to get paid, children come along, and soon, the only excitement you get is to choose which movie to watch on Netflix that night. We really had to make time for date nights where we spent time talking or exploring some new activity. This is even more important after the children are born.

Make time to listen

Even though we work in the same office, there were days when we just breezed through life without saying anything significant to one another. I had to learn to listen with undivided attention so that I could understand his needs. Frequent conversations was the key that made us feel connected.

Always forgive

We might have differing opinions, but we always attempt to resolve issues before sleeping. We need to remember that we are on the same side, not against one another. If there is a problem, it’s our problem, not the other person’s problem. Through the years, we had to learn what it means to speak kindly in the midst of a disagreement.
Ultimately, the very cord that holds us together is our love for Jesus Christ. It’s our belief system that kept us unified all these years. 14 years and counting.

If you would like to follow my marriage and parenting journey, please head on to Comma: Rethink Life.

Wedding Video Highlight: Shri & Hui Ru

Hui Ru loves cats, nasi lemak, chocolate, coffee & sleeping. She aims to maintain a minimalist lifestyle with little distractions & things in her life, dreaming of reaching financial freedom in a few years. Shri is passionate in teaching young people on how to reach their best and happiest version of themselves. On weekends, they enjoy simple things in life like having brunch together and playing with Shri’s nephew.

Shri and Hui Ru celebrated their marriage at Ti Chen, The Saujana Hotel. It was lovely to see elements of their cultures coming together in unity and even more so, to see the joy that friends, family, and the couple had on their faces throughout the day. Their view of life resonates with us too!

“We see each other as soulmates. Before we met each other we were caught up with work & serving our families & the community. But the first time we paused and took time to get to know each other , we realized what true happiness is.” 

Here’s the wedding video highlight we did for them. Thank you for having us Shri and Hui Ru! It was a special day indeed.

Credits:

Videographers: Choo Cherk, Delvin & Abel
Location: Ti Chen at Saujana Hotel
Groom’s Attire: Ehkay Corner Tailors (Singapore)
Wedding Gown: Annasul Y (from Designer Bridal Room)
Shoes: Badgley Mischka
Makeup & Hair: Armadale
Decorations: Teamo
Flowers: Flora Hera
Stationery: Thistle Cards
Photography: Peter Herman photography
Wedding Planner: Cheryl from My Wedding Planner

Building a strong marriage

If you missed it, you can view some of the recent interviews uploaded on our marriage and parenting content page, Comma – Rethink Life on the topic of building a strong marriage. If you have been facing a rocky path after being married for 1 year, 5 years, or even 10 years or more, remember that you are not alone. There are many people who focus on the wedding, but forget about the marriage and working on it. There’s a lot of effort that goes into a marriage, and the journey is a marathon, not a sprint.

Here are 2 videos that you should definitely watch on this topic!

Please connect with us if you are struggling and we will able to direct you to a marriage expert who can help strengthen your marriage.

Follow Comma on Instagram or Facebook for more updates.

Rekindling Romance in Marriage

As a wedding and portrait photographer, I have seen the extreme highs that couples go through as they set their sights on the one they love, and say their vows to always be there through good and hard times. Personally, as I also speak to couples in my daily life, I realize that it is easy to let the flames die out all too soon. Often times, arguments happen over seemingly small, trivial issues. But it points to deeper, unresolved issues, usually parent and family issues from the past.

This is my 13th year of marriage. I have to admit, while my love for Alex has grown deeper through the years, I have also gotten pretty complacent in our marriage. I don’t make much effort to surprise him (ever), think of doing things that truly please his heart or even attempt to wear beautiful lingerie to sleep (I had to put aside my pineapple pyjama pants because of this).

We’ve gotten way too comfortable towards each other.

That is why I appreciate the little things about him. How he does make the effort to do things like taking care of the kids while I go succulent shopping, plan mini stay-cations in the city or just prepare maggi mee by candle light in our bedroom after a long day of shoot.

I love him for all these little things and more. God is reminding me that while it is nice to be the recipient of all these little acts of love, I need to invest in his emotional tank too. I must go beyond my own comfort zone, laziness and make an effort to bring romance into the marriage over and over again.

I hope you do too. Happy Valentine’s Day.

(oh, and if you need some date night ideas with your spouse, head on over to Comma – Rethink Life and check out this post.)

Comma Pre-Marital Series 03: Communication & Conflict

Our tongue has the power to build or tear down. With our words, we can either encourage someone or make them feel like the lowest person on earth. How do you handle conflict? Do you recognize these harmful ways of communicating in yourself?
After being married for 11 years, I realized that staying connected with each other is one of the biggest issues I face. When conflict arises, it’s easy to just ignore the problems and then carry on with life. We go to work, we come back, deal with kids, and the relationship becomes functional. Dealing with issues is hard but it is necessary. We need to work hard at maintaining each other’s emotional tanks. So learning to communicate and deal with issues is a huge part of it. I hope this video helps you! Do also subscribe to our newly launched YouTube channel so that we can have more than just my family and friends watching this. :)

Credits:

Script & Content Development: Grace
Filmed & Edited by: Chi Yin