marriage

Grace Tan In Life, Musings, Relationships

Being a Peacemaker

20150515_INTEGRICITY_COMPANY_TRIP_HANOI_090

This is the 9th year of my marriage. What incredible 9 years filled with joy, hurt, reconciliation, love and compromise. Deep down, I know that marriage comes with its own set of challenges. There’s no going into it feeling naive. There will come a time when you will argue, say hurtful things to one another and regret it. As a Christian, I’ve always based my marriage on the principles I read in the Bible. It really helps me to know that my husband values marriage and wants to work at it as hard as I do.

I recently read this verse that made me stop and think a little more about relationships.

They must turn from evil and do good;
they must seek peace and pursue it.
1 Peter 3:11

What really struck me were the words seek peace and pursue it.

It takes effort to keep the peace. It must be something that is worth pursuing and going all out for. We must be proactive in any relationship to maintain the peace, and not expect it to just ‘happen’. In any relationship, we have to believe that pursuing peace is worth the fight.

Which brings me to the other question… “What does peace mean, really?” (According to Alex, he says it’s when the wife doesn’t nag).

After giving it some thought, I think a peaceful relationship means that I can trust someone. That we are both working towards the end goal of each other’s happiness. It doesn’t mean we keep quiet or sweep under the carpet issues that need to be discussed just to ‘keep the peace’. It means talking things through and being mature enough to compromise sometimes.

I am not an expert at marriage, but I work at it. Hard.

Grace Tan In Chinese Weddings, Church Weddings, Weddings

Church Wedding: Rayson & Yee See

I do wish we could feature every single wedding or portrait that we have ever photographed or filmed on this blog, but I know that it’s just feasibly not possible! In between shoots, managing enquiries, meeting potential clients and replying emails, there’s just so little time left. Throw into that equation, work-life balance – trying to bring my little 6 month old for swimming classes, shopping for groceries, going to church, and actually having a life… I suddenly realize that half a year has passed! Recently, the Integricity family (FYI to those who are not aware, Stories is part of a larger group of companies) went on a company holiday to Phuket! More on that later!

So phew, back to Rayson and Yee See. I first met Rayson years ago when we were working on a corporate project together that required our animation services. That was the vague image that I have in my mind. I could have met him through another friend, but that’s how most friendships are… after a while, it takes a bit of memory-jogging to try and recall the finer details.

So Rayson and Yee See were married this February. Their wedding was photographed by Johan and Weiming (I was on maternity leave then!). Though it’s been a few months since their wedding, I’d like to share these images from their church wedding and their story with you.

rayson_yeesee_0001

Excerpt from their wedding blog:

He says…

It was only 4 years ago that I met Yee See. It was not love at first sight as most tend to believe. We met at my ex-college mate’ bridal party meeting. I remembered the first time I saw her… it wasn’t a very flattering picture, oily skin, messy hair, runny nose and not to mention the weird dressing.

Totally not my type.

We were paired up pretty quickly for the wedding dance practices. I remembered the awkward moments when we held hands. I thought,

“This girl… dunno how to hold hands… never had a boy friend before issit? -_-”

It wasn’t until a couple of more dance practices that she opened up a bit. I could see that she was starting to feel a lot more comfortable, but still, we didn’t talk much. I thought the epic age gap was to be blamed as there wasn’t anything much that we could talk about. If you’re looking for any chemistry at this point in time, there’s zero. Besides, I wasn’t interested in her romantically. Well, not yet at least.

I thought to myself, there’s no way am I going to go out with this girl even if there was any slight interest. It’s just impossible and of course, not practical. We’re talking about a 7 years age gap here. Pretty scandalous to date a college kid, won’t you say?

Who knew that God had an awesome plan for the both of us.

After the wedding, we kept in touch through Skype, Facebook and Twitter. It wasn’t until she followed me on Twitter that I got interested. I mean, back there not many people heard of Twitter.

That piqued my interest a little.

I also got to know how close she is with her dad and the amazing relationship they have.

That piqued my interest a little more.

Off and on we’ll be in contact over the phone, SMS, Skype … but most of the time she would be the one initiating them. Well, I was only interested in being friends, nothing more.

There was this one occasion that I was driving out for a meeting and I got an SMS from her saying that she had prayed for me. That action was all it took for me to decide that this girl was worth pursuing.

God really opened by eyes. I began to see her differently. I think she prayed very hard hahahahaha … Seriously, everything about her suddenly became attractive. Things that I’ve never noticed, I’ve began to notice. Everything that I had secretly prayed for in a life partner was in front of me all along.

We’ve had our ups and downs, but every experience was worth it. Looking back, I could had missed this girl, glad I didn’t.

rayson_yeesee_0003

Grace Tan In Life, Musings, Relationships

The Miracle of Marriage

I read this article from a friend’s blog, and unfortunately, I do not know who to credit, but it’s such a great article that I felt I needed to share it here. It’s worth your 5 minutes reading this article on marriage. Deep down in my heart, I feel truly satisfied and happy that I married Alex. In almost random moments throughout the day, I tell Alex that I love him. I break into a silly grin when I hear him say the same thing… almost like young kids in love.

6 years of marriage and counting… Love you, dear!

PARTNERS AND MARRIAGE by Eduardo Jose E. Calasanz

I have never met a man who didn’t want to be loved. But I have seldom met a man who didn’t fear marriage. Something about the closure seems constricting, not enabling. Marriage seems easier to understand for what it cuts out of our lives than for what it makes possible within our lives. When I was younger this fear immobilized me. I did not want to make a mistake. I saw my friends get married for reasons of social acceptability, or sexual fever, or just because they thought it was the logical thing to do. Then I watched, as they and their partners became embittered and petty in their dealings with each other.

I looked at older couples and saw, at best, mutual toleration of each other. I imagined a lifetime of loveless nights and bickering days and could not imagine subjecting myself or someone else to such a fate. And yet, on rare occasions, I would see old couples that somehow seemed to glow in each other’s presence. They seemed really in love, not just dependent upon each other and tolerant of each other’s foibles. It was an astounding sight, and it seemed impossible. How, I asked myself, can they have survived so many years of sameness, so much irritation at the other’s habits? What keeps love alive in them, when most of us seem unable to even stay together, much less love each other?

Alex Lam In Life, Musings, Relationships

Death is inevitable, death at 24 is unimaginable

I don’t blog much for Stories, but today, I read this extremely touching story that moved me to share it with all of you. I hope it helps you be more reflective and appreciative of every day we are blessed with, and live life to its fullest.

—

Death is inevitable. Death at 24-years of age, is unimaginable.

Ryan Smith, an average American bloke, met Bethany Schmidt at the age of 17 in 2005 and like most young adults, fell passionately in love. They were inseparable and did everything they could think of together.

Six years later, tragedy struck. Ryan learnt he had a rare type of cancer. Time stood still. Plans for the future were abruptly interrupted for the lovers.

Knowing his days were limited, he concocted a plan to propose and still get married to the one person he loved most in life.

With a mere three days of planning, a beautiful wedding was staged for 32 guests.

“Till death do us part” takes on a new meaning, especially when it is imminent.

Have a read of this story as chronicled in Today Weddings, on msnbc.com. If you’d like to read what Bethany herself has to say, click here.

All these stunning photos are by Clare & Kevin Kubota.

Grace Tan In Casual Portraits, Portraits

Terry + Mei Ling

It is always true that things happen when you are studying in college / university. Everything is new, life is exciting and you get to meet cool people. People like Mei Ling, of course. Sharing the same house, it was not long after that Terry and Mei Ling became an item. And so, a graphic designer weds a doctor.

The beach wedding reception is not till next year, but this is the day Terry and Mei Ling made their marriage official. The papers are signed, the vows are made, and they are married! So here’s a quick little post to wish them congratulations!!