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Life, Love and Death

Video from KarmaTube

My sister shared this video with me recently. It was really sad and yet heart-warming to listen to this true story about a couple’s love for each other. If you’re super Malaysian like me, it’s pretty hard to understand the thick accent, so you need to listen really carefully to catch what they are saying. I don’t think it was just my pregnancy hormones, but I cried when I watched this video.

Everyone wants to be loved.

Everyone wants to feel a love so deep, so true, so faithful and so everlasting in life.

In some ways, I feel blessed. I have this amazing relationship with Alex and I can truly say that I love this man so much, much more today than the day I  married him 6 years ago. He’s traveling a lot this month, leaving me alone for days at a time. Even before he leaves, I start missing him already… sometimes I think I might have attachment issues. But this time alone makes me think about life…and also death.

I pray that God will allow us to grow old together, experience many wonders together, build a beautiful family and go on many adventures together. I think about all those newspaper articles where I read of people going through accidents and losing a loved one before their time is up, or people suffering from terminal illnesses. It really saddens me.

Alex is always very candid about this issue – if God takes him back early, it’s always because He allows it for a reason. And he always jokes… “I’ll allow you to marry again!”

Our conversations always end up the same… I argue with him that it’s better if God allowed me to go first, then I don’t have to suffer the agony of being here on earth without him.

Sigh. Who can predict the future? How will I know how much time I have with my loved ones? All that matters is today.

Show them love. Unabashed, not holding back, wholehearted.

Expectations and changes in life

We sat quietly for 10 minutes, penning our thoughts on a piece of 4R sized paper. It felt strange doing this exercise, yet at the same time, we knew that it would benefit the both of us.

1. I expect him to travel with me on life’s adventures, always.
2. I expect him to be the spiritual leader for the family.
3. He must be financially wise.
4. He must love my family too.
5. He should take good care of his health and physical appearance too.
6. I expect him to be loving, even when I am 80…

The list went on and on. I don’t think I am being unrealistic, but practical.

We shared our list. I am amused that one of his requirements is for me to have better memory. Like remembering to trip the meter after I pump petrol (one little thing that irks him a lot!).

Years ago, before we got married, we created a similar list. Except, I am pretty sure this new one is shorter. I guess you learn to adapt to one another as time goes by. You learn to compromise on some expectations and other times, to reflect on how you can change yourself as a person.

Someone told me once, men always go into marriage expecting their wives to never change. Women go into marriage, expecting their husbands to change.

I guess a lot of arguments stem from mismatched and unfulfilled expectations from both parties. Most times, we think the problem is with the other person, never with us (gasp, how could you suggest that!). 

Six years down the road, and we’re still learning to adapt to one another. Yes, there’s friction, but I think I can safely say, I’m darn happy. 

Photo credit: Anna-Rina

Death is inevitable, death at 24 is unimaginable

I don’t blog much for Stories, but today, I read this extremely touching story that moved me to share it with all of you. I hope it helps you be more reflective and appreciative of every day we are blessed with, and live life to its fullest.

Death is inevitable. Death at 24-years of age, is unimaginable.

Ryan Smith, an average American bloke, met Bethany Schmidt at the age of 17 in 2005 and like most young adults, fell passionately in love. They were inseparable and did everything they could think of together.

Six years later, tragedy struck. Ryan learnt he had a rare type of cancer. Time stood still. Plans for the future were abruptly interrupted for the lovers.

Knowing his days were limited, he concocted a plan to propose and still get married to the one person he loved most in life.

With a mere three days of planning, a beautiful wedding was staged for 32 guests.

“Till death do us part” takes on a new meaning, especially when it is imminent.

Have a read of this story as chronicled in Today Weddings, on msnbc.com. If you’d like to read what Bethany herself has to say, click here.

All these stunning photos are by Clare & Kevin Kubota.

Opposites Attract?

He’s introverted, she’s extroverted.
He’s calm and collected, she’s a social butterfly.
He’s meticulous, she’s a little disorganized.

Just like magnets, opposites attract. I know of many couples who are completely different in terms of character (just like my mum and dad) and yet are together. Growing up, I never really understood this strange phenomenon. I suppose it’s natural to like someone who has strengths that can complement your weaknesses.

Alex and I don’t completely subscribe to this idea though. Yes, we’re different, and yet similar. We appreciate each other’s strengths and weaknesses (‘appreciate’ is subjective at times though) but there are many similarities that bind us together. After 5 years of marriage, boy do I appreciate these similarities! We love being around people, are rather sociable by nature, have similar taste in design (thank God, otherwise we might fight over house ID stuff), love the same God, and share the same values in life. Values like, no matter how tough marriage gets, we will never give up; or loving people trumps anything else in life. Bonus point: We love adventure.

Life to us is an exciting journey. I cannot imagine being married to someone who yawns whenever I talk about my photography business, or to someone who hates traveling. Married life to me means that I am able to journey along life’s path, sharing these experiences together. It’s these experiences that glue us together, stored in our shoe box of memories and help us love each other more.

I am contented.

Similar, yet different.

Photo credit: Jon Low

The Day It Began…

Clearing my house has helped me rediscover gems hidden in boxes and in files. Not only did I find old recipes my mother wrote to me when I was in university, I also found some old letters and cards I gave to Alex when we were dating. I admit, I am a hopeless romantic. On our 1st anniversary together, I created a simple set of handwritten messages for him – 12 pages for the 12 months we were together. I wrote these messages because I wanted him to remember… how we started, why I love him, and how our struggles can bring us closer.

So, though it’s a little embarrassing to be sharing this with everyone, I thought I’d include a short excerpt from this card (taken from my journal).

8th June 2004

I can’t believe it… Alex and I are getting together. I don’t know if this is the right thing to do, we both have our doubts and worries and are afraid of taking risks… but… our hearts… tell us to go forward.

Dear Lord, is this the right decision? And is this the right timing? Are we even compatible? There are so many considerations to think about… I don’t know how it all fits into Your plan, but Jesus, I commit myself and Alex into your hands. I am afraid of getting hurt, but if we don’t take risks, we’ll never know. There are so many worries Lord, but I do commit us into Your hands and give it all to You.

Alex and I during our Lake Toba holiday in August 2004